I am going to start this article bluntly: Antidepressants saved my life.
My parents are Eastern Europeans who are vehemently against medication (except Tylenol, of course). They did not believe in mental illness and thought medication was just poison for the brain. In my previous article, I talked about how I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. A cancer of the mind, I like to call it. The illness may go away for periods, but it always comes back with a vengeance.
It was not until I was a sophomore in college that I finally tried to change something. I was dating a girl who held a special place in my heart because she was the one who helped open my mind. She had several mental issues she suffered from herself. So, she was no novice when it came to trying medications. She was the person who finally convinced me to try taking antidepressants, encouraging me to get my own prescription from my PCP.
I did just that, and after three weeks of funky nightmares, I finally saw the world in a way I had not seen in my entire life. There were no dark thoughts for the first time in my 20 years of life. I could study clearly, socialize with friends without fearing they all hated me, and wake up with a smile every morning. The world was full of color. I was finally what felt like the real "me". The medication I took was Welbutrin 150mg XL.
I know that medications are not one size fits all. What works for me might not work for you. I also do not recommend anyone take a medication not prescribed to them. You never know what you're allergic to or how you might react. However, I HIGHLY recommend — if you are suffering from depression, please see a doctor before something more drastic occurs.
Now, this dose of medication worked for me for a while. At some point, I stopped taking it, thinking to myself, "I feel so good; it can't be because of this stupid pill. I don't actually need it." Boy, was I wrong. While there were no side effects, I immediately noticed decreased productivity and an influx of negative thoughts. As you can imagine, I returned to taking my prescription as prescribed.
After the gunshot wound left me handicapped, I was miserable once again. It had not even occurred to me that I should have changed my antidepressant dose. My mind was now under much more stress. Thanks to a doctor's recommendation, I began seeing a psychiatrist who helped me get my dosages straight. In addition to a higher dose of Welbutrin (300mg), I started taking 2mg of Aripiprazole before bed to complement the Welbutrin. Once again, I was full of energy and finally felt myself retaking hold of my life. After several months of feeling sorry for myself in bed, I finally got up and started getting it together.
I started spending more time in the sunshine and smoking less pot. I was applying for jobs and updating my LinkedIn. It felt like I was finally ready to be a productive member of society. Now, I do not want to say that this is solely because of the medications, but I also found gainful employment and can sleep regular hours, work normal hours, all at peace. No more dark clouds over my shoulder. No more suicidal ideation. (Let's be honest, it was definitely the medication).
My point in writing all of this is that antidepressants are here to help us, not hurt us. There is no crazy conspiracy with these pills. People devote their entire lives to formulating the right combination of chemicals to fix the deficiencies we have in our brains. Depression has existed for hundreds of years. It is genetic.
Too many people self-medicate with booze or illegal substances, worsening the situation. They won't take an antidepressant, but they'll snort a line of coke, claiming that's a better alternative. If this sounds like you, it's time to make a change. If this article can help even one person switch to antidepressants, then mission accomplished. I only wish the best for every single individual struggling quietly worldwide. I hope they can find the peace I did.
If you do not have insurance, medicare is an option. If you do not have the time to see a psychiatrist, there are plenty of virtual appointments. Stop making excuses for yourself, and go make that appointment. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Being proactive is better than doing nothing.
Peace and Love — Redacted
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While I disagree in some areas, being overly skeptical of big pharma (probably to a fault) I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. Makes me want to consider taking up blogging as a hobby myself
Very good stuff my friend ❤️